I, Artemis
by HoVis
Summary: Artemis Fowl has everything. Then his only friend and ally, Butler, abandons him. And suddenly, Artemis realises that growing up isn't all its cracked up to be... and what happens when LEP gets involved? Please R&R.
1. Chapter One: Teenagers!

A/N: Artemis Fowl is unstoppable: nothing will get between him and power and live to tell the tale. Except one thing. What happens when our favourite teenage criminal hits puberty, starts coming out in spots, and starts seeing girls in a different light? And how will he be able to deal with that alongside mystery, betrayal and suspicion? And what will happen when the LEP get involved as well, and he comes head to head with our favourite female captain?

NOT a Holly/Artemis. Sorry guys. I've posted this under "Adventure/Humour", but it could easily decide to be an angst fic instead along the way. Plot bunnies are fickle friends…

Disclaimer: I don't even own the third book yet, let alone the copyright. So don't sue. And please bear in mind, whilst reading, that I haven't read the Eternity Code yet, so sorry for any discrepancies there. I'm gonna stop babbling now. Just read the fic. And tell me what you think, please. I'll be nice and update extra quick if you do!

Chapter One

I am Artemis Fowl. The Second, that is. Thirteen years old. A criminal mastermind. The author of several psychology articles, under a different name. The heir to the Fowl fortune, which, I must impress upon you, is a exceedingly large sum of money to inherit.

I am Artemis Fowl. You may have heard of me, but probably not. I've been called many things in my short thirteen years, "genius", and "madman" being just a few. There is no doubt that I am genius, if I may say so myself. But a madman? Perhaps. Vincent Van Gogh, after all, was slightly mad. But then again, he was also a genius. So perhaps I am a little crazy: I did, after all, shoot my own Father in an attempt to rescue him from the clutches of a Russian kidnapping racket, the Mafia. Don't ask. All you need to know is that I saved him. Don't ask me why, its only made things all the more difficult. But, then again, what is too hard for a criminal mastermind such as myself?

Butler hesitantly poked his head round the door of his Master's study.

"Artemis?" He asked quietly, and heard an annoyed sigh as the boy turned to him, a scowl on his face.

"What _now_, Butler?" He asked, the annoyance creeping all too clearly into his voice. Butler sighed slightly. His master had been acting quite strangely for the past few months, and Butler had come to conclusion that no one, not even Artemis Fowl, was immune to the effects of puberty. The result: one moody, lanky, spotty Artemis Fowl. The boy had not taken kindly to the sudden changes in his once-perfectly pale complexion. Nor to his sudden growth spurt, which meant that all his tailor-made, designer label suits no longer fitted. Butler wasn't particularly enamoured by it either: the way his charge was going, he would soon be taller than him, which meant that Butler would no longer be able to satisfactorily serve as a shield to his master when in the line of fire. _Not_ that Butler was intending to get into any gunfights involving his Master anytime soon. Butler shuddered slightly. His master seemed to be a magnet for trouble: however ingenious the idea, however brilliant the plan, something always seemed to go wrong for young Artemis Fowl.

"Your parents wish to see you, Artemis." His Master sighed, but rose nonetheless, scowling.

"_Very well_, Butler." Artemis said in an exasperated tone. As he passed, he turned towards Butler, who was rather disturbed to note that the boy could almost look him in the eye without having to look up. "Please see that no one enters this room whilst I am gone. Hear me, Butler? _No one_." Butler shook his head as young Artemis stalked away. Who would have thought it? Artemis Fowl, teenage genius and criminal master mind, having his self-control torn from him by the simple matter of growing up? If anyone needed a girl, that boy did. Still chuckling softly, Butler settled himself before the computer his master had been working on and proceeded to do what he did best: sneak around his master's business.

A/N: Gasp What? Butler, sneaking around Artemis' business? Surely not… please review!


	2. Chapter Two: Parents!

A/N: Hello! I am sorry this story has taken so long to update. I know a lot of people have asked me _not_ to discontinue this ill-fated tale, and so I have been waiting for inspiration to strike – and it did. However, I hope this path I am going down is not too clichéd… basically, I have to "return" Artemis' memories (taken away at the end of the Eternity Code) to follow the path I had originally intended to take this story down. When I started this story I hadn't read EC yet, so reading that afterwards threw me a bit. However, I am now well back on track. Hopefully, the reason for Artemis' memories returning will be an original one.

And, of course, to my reviewers:

Indentity99: Thanks!

D'Arvit Tyranny: Good point. I'll try to re-write that chapter when I get the chance. I also loved your idea about a matchmaker. You naughty person, you've let out a whole host of plot-bunnies now… lol.

LazyCat: Book four is coming out? When?! You have to tell me! I NEED more Artemis! Sorry… grins sheepishly.

coolcube: Thanks for your lovely comments! I have no idea when book four is out… ask LazyCat!

mirkwoodmage: Thanks!

La Cramento: Thankyou – both for your kind comments and for giving me the little extra urging I needed to continue! This ones for you!

Disclaimer: Me no own!

Chapter Two

Artemis Fowl the Second glowered balefully at his parents.

"What is it?" He snapped, scowling. "I'm very busy at the moment."

"Now, Arty, don't talk to your father like that." His mother said reproachfully. Artemis raised a single stubborn eyebrow. He opened his mouth to reply cuttingly, but his father got their first.

"It's alright, Angeline. The boy's confused, and angry. He would be – I don't blame him." Now it was Artemis' father's turn to receive a glare. The two adults were lying comfortably on their bed, with Artemis standing awkwardly at the foot of it. Artemis held his father's blue-eyed gaze, so much like his own, for a long moment, before turning away, his cheeks flushing slightly.

"I'm _not_ confused." Artemis muttered beneath his breath, but his father merely smiled knowingly. Artemis scowled, and turned his gaze to the floor. Truth be told, he _was_ confused, not that he'd ever admit it. He'd spent years without his father, carrying on his traditions, only to discover that the man he had once known had changed so much he cared no longer for money, or gold.

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Gold...

What was it about that word that clung to him so? It wasn't just the thought of such riches, such power, it was more like a long-forgotten memory…

It mattered little. Artemis shook his head, and looked up at his parents.

"I apologise, father." Artemis said stiffly. "I did not mean to… lose control, like that." Artemis Fowl the First said nothing for a moment, shaking his head in apparent amusement. Artemis bristled slightly. If there was one thing he despised, it was people laughing at him and treating him like a child.

"You are not sorry." His father said simply. "But your apology is appreciated anyway." Artemis shrugged nonchalantly.

"Ok." He replied, doing his best to keep the annoyance out of his voice. "Now, may I go…?"

"No, Arty." It was his mother. "We need to speak with you." Artemis turned to her, ready to fight down to the last moment, but the angry retort died on his lips as he saw the look on his mother's face. She looked… worried? Artemis sighed, before perching uncomfortably on the end of the bed.

"Very well." He sighed. "But make it quick." Artemis' father smiled slightly.

"You make it sound as though you are the adult and we are the children, Arty." He said gently. Once again, Artemis found himself incapable of holding his father's gaze.

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I, Artemis…

Why did it always feel as though there was something missing? Why was it that he always woke up searching for something unattainable?

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LEP procedure… mind wipe…

Artemis shook his head. Where were all these strange words, thoughts, _memories_ coming from?

"Arty?" It was his mother. "Are you alright?" Artemis shook his head dumbly.

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Holly… Captain… Foaly…

It was like a jigsaw puzzle, but a crazy one with only half the pieces and no guide to go by. Artemis stood up shakily.

"I don't feel… all that well…" He muttered, a wave of nausea overtaking him. His father was on his feet, approaching him…

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The People.

The two words came to Artemis in a sudden flash of understanding, and with that white, beautiful light, the world faded into darkness as his legs buckled beneath him and he crumpled to the floor.

A/N: Sorry it's so short… I'm going on holiday this afternoon, so it's a bit rushed. Please tell me what you think!


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